


We Don't Get to Choose

by CataclysmicEvent



Category: Naruto
Genre: Boys In Love, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, Yaoi, alternative ending, canon ships beware, flip flopping, ish, seme!Sasuke, sexually confused kiba, some violence but not too bad, somewhat alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:33:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7117789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CataclysmicEvent/pseuds/CataclysmicEvent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life has been a little hectic for Sasuke ever since he got back to the hidden leaf village. His best friend is vying to be hokage (as usual), he can't seem to return the feelings of the girl that has been in love with him his whole life, and everyone else seems to be moving on from the war while Sasuke is just...stuck in the same place. He wants to start over, to find peace the way Itachi wanted him to, but it turns out to be just as difficult as ever. </p><p>It turns out, you don't get to pick how fast you move on, or the direction you have to go to get there. There are some things in life that you don't get to be in control of--like who you fall in love with. </p><p>And Sasuke just HAD to fall for the dead guy, didn't he? </p><p>(Takes place in the post-canon, right after the war is over.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me, toying with how Sasuke might readjust to Konoha. I don't own Naruto—insert witty excuse for how I will somehow own it in the future here—And I want to make it very clear that while Sasuke will end up with someone by the end of this, it isn't going to be SasuNaru, okay? And while there are regular pairings like NaruHina and GaaraSakura, Sasuke's is most likely going to be YAOI. There will also be KankuroKiba, as well as any other yaoi pairing I find that strikes my fancy. There will be fluff, and there will be sad parts. And the rating is more than likely going to go UP in the future, most likely for language, or sexual scenes. I intend to keep it tasteful though.  
> This is mainly just Sasuke centric, examining his feelings and emotions, and his slow process of healing. There are going to be original characters in here—but I will attempt to make them classy, and well done. And don't worry, you are NOT GOING TO SEE SOME STEREO TYPICAL GIRL, WITH SOME RANDOM POWER THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT, WHO HAS SOME SORT OF BULLSHIT CONNECTION TO SASUKE OR ANYONE ELSE SHOW UP. GOD. I HATE THAT. No offense to anyone who does that. The only thing you really need to do when you read this is keep an open mind. So please, do that.

It's been several months since the war ended. Countries are being reshaped. Lives are being rebuilt. And the city of Konaha was peaceful. For the first time in what seemed like years, there was no stress, anger, or resentment hovering over it's citizens. Finally, the world was taking small, timid steps towards being pieced back together.

He talks to Naruto everyday. There's something comforting about it. Something vindicating. Kakashi used to come along, but a month after the war's end, old lady Tsunade resigned. There was only one clear choice, and before he knew it, his sensei was the new man behind the desk. It didn't exactly suit him, but he handled it with his own style, just like his predecessors. Yes, Kakashi managed to pull off management, especially considering that Anko would periodically show up and force the white haired man to actually sit down and focus. Which was ironic, considering the fact that Sasuke was fairly sure that the woman hadn't managed to sit still for more than thirty minutes in her life. Yet it worked. Come to think of it, his sensei had been spending more time with the snake woman lately…  
…What did that make him? Snake boy? Tch. Even he could recognize the hypocrisy in judging the woman. Yet he did judge her. He'd joined up with Orochimaru, learned from him, just like her…but he'd never idolized the man. She seemed to be disillusioned now, but that didn't change much. She still spoke of the man with an odd sort of reverence, like she was caught somewhere between loathing and respecting her old sensei.

The first time he saw Naruto, after the battle, it hadn't been what he'd been expecting. He expected the idiotic blonde to run up, clap him on the back, and make some sort of stupid, irritating comment. Maybe he would rejoice over him changing sides…or, maybe, he would punch him out for the mistakes of the past few years. Yes, he expected any of those things…but instead, he was just sitting—with her.

He doesn't remember much of her. Other than her silence, her weakness, and her cowardice. She didn't look like a coward that day. With her fingers intertwined in his, she looked strong. Neither one of them seemed to be speaking—which was a rare thing, for the Dobe—but they didn’t seem to mind the silence. He was hanging his head, muttering something, something that sounded oddly like 'sorry', but Sasuke only saw her shake her head, like he shouldn't dare to feel remorse. Yes, in that moment she seemed to find a deep, resounding strength. And Sasuke grew to respect her for that.

In the weeks following the war, several decisions had to be made very quickly. At first, the most pressing seemed to be what they ought to do with him. He was a rogue ninja, after all. While he had surrendered himself to hidden leaf authorities, he was still responsible for quite a bit of heartache in the village, it seemed. The council, principally for the murder of Danzo, brought him under review. And he would've been convicted. He could only assume that he would've faced death in that scenario. But he found himself being saved by a man he'd only briefly met, and even then, the artist had been attempting to kill him. Yes, his life was saved by none other than the cold, unfeeling Sai. He chose to step forward and reveal the truth behind Root, and all of their hidden activities and brain washings. It was able to prove a lack of innocence on Danzo's crime that made Sasuke's punishment…far less severe.

Tsunade and the ANBU captains seemed to think that he had suffered enough, and that imprisonment wasn't going to help him, or anyone else. They couldn't exactly let him off scott free…so they came to a resolution, stating that he would be followed by two ANBU on a constant basis for the next five months, he would have to under go rigorous testing to even be allowed back into the Shinobi ranks. He also had to see a therapist, once a week, until said therapist deemed him ready to stop.

He could admit on a level that this was fair. More than fair, actually, but…on an entirely different level, he…he hated being regulated. He knew that it was deserved on a level. He wasn't too proud for that. Not anymore.

After the decision was made about what to do with him was made, they were forced to decide upon a fate for the biju. It was a painful, twisted process. At first some sealing professional from the Stone Village decided it was a good idea to try to seal it in a jinchuriiki host. This failed not once, or twice, but three times. With each, the host went mad from the chakra levels forced into their bodies, and died from the stress. And each time, the biju would rampage and destroy the area wherever the host happened to be when their heart gave out. Many lives were lost. Eventually it was decided to split the beast back up into the seven already inside of it, and these hosts were evenly distributed between the five great nations, as well as shukaku being given back to the sand. The demon seemed almost…pleased to be reunited with Gaara, in an odd, somewhat disturbing way.

Currently, Sasuke was walking down the streets of his village. The place hadn't changed at all, despite his being told that Pein had demolished it a year ago. It all looked so familiar to him…Naruto explained later that everyone had wanted it to look the same, and constructed it that way on purpose. The thought almost made him want to smile. Yes, it was natural to love the familiar.  
He could sense the ANBU that constantly tailed him. One was a young Hyuuga named Daisuke, and the other, a Naara around his own age named Kyo. Neither of them were particularly irritating. Daisuke seemed to be a bit of a snob from what he could gather, who never seemed to feel like contributing more than the occasional lofty comment to the conversation. Well. They didn't exactly know that Sasuke considered himself a part of that conversation. The raven's hearing was impeccable, even with the ANBU's stealth in consideration. So he would listen, and make silent contributions of his own.

…Yeah. He was a lonely, lonely guy. And Kyo…well. Kyo proved that Shikamaru was not a good predictor of how the rest of his family was going to behave. He would talk about anything and everything. Though he seemed to have a similar obsession with clouds. Odd. He was currently going on and on about his current love interest, and how he just could not figure out how to get her attention.  
Become traumatized as a child. Then proceed to become terrified and angry at all forms of human attachment. Girls love that. The Uchiha thought, quite bitterly. Enough so that he almost wanted to laugh. But no. He wasn't going to freak out Daisuke or Kyo out today.  
He'd taken to wearing plain, dark clothes since his return. He was too easily recognized, and tensions were still a tad bit high. As he learned each time he met the gaze of a grocery clerk too easily. They tended to not react very well. And so did he. So it really was for the best. The t-shirt he was wearing was loose, black cotton. For the first time, he wasn't wearing any Uchiha clan symbol. Which was for the best. He wasn't exactly doing the name much justice now. He was doing everything short of burying his head in the sand.  
He went out during the least crowded times of day, and tried to attract as little attention as possible. And he kept tearful interactions with Naruto and Sakura to a minimum. Mainly because if those two didn't stop, they were going to make him cry. And they wouldn't be tears of friend ship, mind you.

The sun was slowly sinking lower in the sky, casting a hazy, gold light over the rooftops. It was late afternoon, almost dusk, if he had to guess. He wasn't quite sure where he'd ended up. He just took short walks these days. There really wasn't much to do when you're on probation. Or training. So much of his life had been training. But he couldn't have ended up too far…his eyes glanced around, searching for familiar until…

…Oh.

He walked forward, his boots crunching in the dirt a little. It was a small, white walled building, with two wide, red, double doors in the front. The paint was fading, and the leaf symbol engraved above the doors was fading. Had it always been that way? Or had there just been no time to maintain it…?

The academy. He couldn't say his memories of the place were all that bright. Or even that any of them were really fond. But…well, it was still there. He had to pause to think. Had this really been the only place not to get crushed? Just this one place?

Well, he knew that the Uchiha Compound had survived. But he didn't want to go back there yet.

But it was…Ironic. That something so small survived. The small fenced area where he used to beat the Dobe…the classrooms where Sakura used to stare, and giggle obnoxiously at anything that happened to come out of his mouth…before Orochimaru…before Itachi….before any of it. It was still there. He shoved his hands into his pockets, a frown tugging a little bit more at his lips.  
There was slight movement. Not much, but enough to catch his attention, even from the corner of his eye. He turned his head quickly, his eyes zeroing in.

It was just a kid. Well. Not a little kid. But he looked like he had to be somewhere around twelve, or thirteen. He was sitting on that old rope swing, that Naruto used to always—

-….A kid on a rope swing? No. No. Do not. Get involved. If it's anything remotely similar to the Dobe, it's just going to piss you off. The kid move's slightly, and looks him in the eye. They're familiar. They're brown, more like a hazel. They aren't light enough for him to call them green…He's by himself.

Sasuke doesn't say anything at first, he just stands there, examining him. He doesn't need a reason. He doesn't need some bullshit excuse. He's tired. He's bored. He has two kids his age getting paid to follow him, just to make sure he doesn't decide to go on a rampage for the sake of the evil-kitten-killing-bambi-slaughtering-passion of his soul. His brother's dead. His best friend—he's not even sure if they still are friends—feels the need to show up at his apartment, everyday, just to make sure he's still there. His brother's dead, and he misses him more everyday. Sakura still loves him, and—and—he wishes he loved her, because then everything would be so damn easy.

So if he wants to stare at some random kid on a swing set, he'll have his damn creepy moment and stare, thank you. He's looking back at him, but unlike several, angry grocery store clerks, he doesn't look offended that Sasuke would dare look him in the eye. He doesn't look that frightened either. Not in the defiant, 'You don't scare me' way either. He's seen plenty of that. It's different, mainly because he does seem slightly intimidated. Sasuke doesn't blame him. He's older, by at least three or four years, and he knows that he doesn't look like the nice kind of stranger. Hinata even said once, in her soft, quiet way, that he was a lot kinder than he looked. Implying that he was mean faced, somehow. But looking at the boy's face makes it clear.

He has no clue who he is. Absolutely no idea. So he really doesn't have to be the stoic, disinterested Sasuke. He raises his hand slightly in greeting. It isn't really a wave. It's a bit more awkward, and despite the fact that he meant for it to come off as laid back, but it just comes off as…jerkish, he supposes.

Well, we can't be good at everything. The kid tips his head to the side. His hands are holding the ropes on either side of him. A little bit of hair falls into his face when he does. It's lighter than Sasuke's, but it's still a pretty dark brown. It's familiar too, he notices. Not terribly so though. There are a million people with brown hair. He looks a little bit confused at first, and Sasuke's mentally slapping himself. Why did he even bother? But then he raises his own hand, in the same fashion. And the corners of his mouth quirk up into a small little smile. It's not exactly the happy, stupid smile you normally see on kids, like in some dumb anime or something. Nope. He thinks something funny, because even if the smile's small, Sasuke can tell he wants to laugh. It must have been in the eyes then. Sasuke never was very good at reading smiles.

This causes Sasuke's frown to deepen a little bit. Like it usually does when he's thinking. Or doing anything, actually. Frowns are kind of like his face's screen saver. His muscles just sort of…go there, you know? And the kid's eyes twinkle just a bit more with amusement, making Sasuke tip his own head to the side, ever so slightly.

…the kid thought Sasuke Uchiha was doing something…funny? Well. The devil and Danzo must've been making a snow fort to ward off Madara and Obito in Hell's first snow ball fight. The boy started to open his mouth, like he was actually going to say something, and Sasuke leaned forward a little bit, like he was actually interested in it, but the kid's eyes darted to someone else, coming up behind him.  
Sasuke himself didn't move, not wanting to acknowledge the person's presence, but he found out who she was, soon enough. Her figure was slightly more curved and rounded, but her hair was still curly and dark, and her eyes that odd shade of red. Kurenai. She was more lined. Tired. Sasuke had heard about Asuma. And the baby. He'd never actually seen the woman since he'd returned though. Her stomach was flat now, so he had to assume that the child had already been born.

"Raiden, you can't just disappear like that." Her voice was tired too. Everything about her was. The boy just shrugged—Raiden, Sasuke supposed—and the smile slipped away. He got off the swing, brushing dust off of his sleeves, and went to her side. She put a hand on his shoulder, and glanced back at Sasuke. He met her gaze, and his face stayed the same. Frowns aren't really that variable, after all. There was something in her look that just…bothered him. She didn't exactly say anything, and Sasuke was glad. He didn't want to exchange awkward small talk. She just inclined her head slightly, acknowledging him, and Sasuke did the same.

"Sasuke-kun." She was always a quite woman, and these words seemed to be all she needed to say. With that, she just took a grip of the boy—Raiden's—elbow, and led him off past Sasuke, causing a slight breeze, ruffling the Raven's bangs. It was all rather quick. And then, he was alone again, staring at the academy.

"…Kurenai-sensei…" she couldn't have heard him. She was out of range. Daisuke and Kyo probably had though. Not that they're input really mattered. They didn't know he heard the comments they made on his day to day life, but he did. He even took them into consideration sometimes. Like they were the devil and the angel on his shoulders.

His eyes narrow in on the doors, the leaf symbol, the fields, the swing, all of it, and he feels something. In his chest. It's tight, and warm, and uncomfortable. He wonders what it is that makes him feel this way, why this place matters, but…

He turns away, hands still in his pockets, and walks back towards his apartment. It probably didn't matter anyway. Whatever it was he saw…

His eyes aren't good for much anymore.

***

Despite his avoiding them like the plague ever since he returned, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura…well, they’d had their conversations. The first, well, it occurred shortly after the battlefield was cleared. They had to wait at first, seeing as Sakura was still busy healing wounded in the hospital. Of course, the Dobe seemed to get it in his head that if he left Sasuke alone for more than a moment, the Uchiha would get some new motive for revenge in his head and disappear. So, much to Sasuke’s irritation, they were practically joined at the hip until she left the hospital. Most of those hours were spent just sitting under a tree, a couple of miles away from the building. 

It was sort of hard for Sasuke to believe at first. Only three miles away, there had been a huge, explosive battle, that almost destroyed the whole damn world…and just a little ways away, there was still a calm forest. And the sun was shining…it was weird. Most stories described dark, intense storms for the final battle…but now there was nothing but sunshine, huh? Ironic.

He slumped against the tree trunk, chancing an occasional glance at the blonde. He resisted the urge to jump when he saw the Dobe just staring at him. He was just facing him, leaning forward, his hands propped up on his knees, and he was just staring. 

Sasuke’s eye twitched, and he simple crossed his arms over his chest in response, sighing in fake boredom. He preferred to act like this was a huge nuisance, but…he was tense. He didn’t exactly know what to expect from Naruto anymore. The guy just had a way of throwing Sasuke off balance. So, doing what he usually did, Sasuke struck first. 

“You sure are popular now. That girl seemed to like you.” His tone was cool, disinterested. Naruto blinked rapidly, leaning back a bit in recoil. Sasuke smirked a little bit to himself. Yes, it was easy to get the idiot on defense. 

“H-Hinata?” he rubbed the back of his head, a sheepish look on his face. “Yeah, she…” he swallowed hard. “Well, she…” Sasuke just raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t demand more of an explanation. He didn’t care enough to, remember? But it’s alright, since Naruto provided one anyway. Eventually Naruto just seemed to give up out of frustration “I don’t know.” The blonde was a bit peeved. Three years. Three. Damn. Years. And the first thing he said—Sasuke of all people—was some sort of reference to his love life? He hadn’t seen that one coming. 

Sasuke shrugged, glancing up at the branches above their heads. Sunlight filtered in through the leaves, creating little puddles of light on both of their faces. “Yeah, you never were that bright.” He’s starting to fall right back into his old, arrogant drawl. It suits his voice. His vocal cords missed it. He can almost feel Naruto tensing in indignation, angry shock painting his team mate’s face. 

“What do you mean, teme?!” he glared at him, sitting forward again. Sasuke just glances at him from the corner of his eye.  
“If you haven’t figured it out by now, then you’re an idiot.” He didn’t care to add much more, it was none of his affair. Naruto’s love life certainly wasn’t his problem. However the Dobe handled his own fangirls was his business, and Sasuke didn’t give a shit one way or the other. Child hood crushes seemed so stupid now…

Naruto frowned, watching his old friend. He looked fairly relaxed, leaning against the tree like that, arms folded. How could he be taking all of this in stride? And then talk to him so casually about Hinata of all things? He just couldn’t make any sense out of it. Nothing Sasuke had done that day made sense. “Did you mean that?”

Sasuke spared him an exasperated look “I really don’t c—“ Naruto held up a hand and shook his head, cutting the raven off. 

“No. Earlier. About being Hokage.” Sasuke paused, finally turning his whole head to look at him. His face was oddly serious, considering the fact that this was Naruto, after all, so Sasuke figured he owed it to him to be honest. 

“Yes.” His eyes didn’t leave Naruto’s face as he said it. Calm and steady. He wasn’t sure how exactly he expected Naruto to react to that. Anger and frustration he could certainly understand, though. And there was a little bit of frustration there, a slight wrinkling of skin between golden eyebrows. 

“Why?” His blue eyes twinkled with confusion. “Why would you want that, of all things? Sasuke, you wanted to destroy the village, last time we talked.” That made Sasuke wince internally. Last time they spoke to each other…he wasn’t really proud of it. “Didn’t you sat that all of the laughter, all of the happiness in the leaf, was at Itachi’s expense?” Itachi. His stomach twisted. Don’t talk about Itachi. Please. Don’t. “Why would you want to help the village, despite that?” He stares at Sasuke imploringly, and Sasuke just stares back for a second, trying to frame an answer. He isn’t going to leave him hanging on this. Naruto doesn’t deserve that. 

…why, did he want to be hokage? Yes, he would admit that it seemed counter productive, but…the first hokage brought it into focus for him. Made him think more clearly. What was a clan? What was a village? A collection of people. Of ideas. And the leader of those people controlled the direction, the flow of those ideas. This whole war was about that direction. He knew that no one in it had been particularly evil, aside from Danzo, whom he would never forgive. Madara, Obito, Minato, Itachi, Pein, all of them…wanted to influence the world, and direct the flow. None of them for bad reasons…the only reason they were considered evil was because of their point of view. 

So, to change the village, to change it’s point of view, he would have to lead it. He owed it to his brother, his parents, his clan, to do this. The Uchiha name wasn’t going to be dragged through the mud any more. 

“…Because…” he chose his words carefully. He wanted to get this right. He didn’t want the words to come out, but in the wrong way. Sure, it had been a spur of the moment decision, and even he wasn’t sure yet…but he wanted Naruto to have the right idea. “…the village…was the first Hokage’s dream. To mold the world into what he wanted it to be.” Naruto looked at him quizzically. Sasuke had never expressed any interest in the previous Hokage before… “…and the village…I’m going to use it, to change the world into the what I want it to be.” 

That made Naruto sit back for a second, leaning his back against the tree, next to Sasuke. Changing the world into what he wanted it to be? That sounded an awful lot like something Obito would say…but…he couldn’t say for sure that it was wrong. Why did he want to be Hokage, after all? At first, it was just so he could prove himself, show all of the villagers that he was more than what they were making him out to be. But now…? It had changed. He had changed. The things he wanted had changed…

Now, he wanted it because the Hidden Leaf was his home. He wanted to protect it, and…make it better. He didn’t want there to be any more kids like Sasuke, or Gaara…Kids like him. Kids like…His throat tightened. Well, kids like Neji. The thought made his throat tighten up, and his eyes burn, but he knew it was true. Kids should never have to feel the way Neji and Hinata did…not ever. And he’d be damned if he was going to let it happen anymore. 

So, he did something that surprised Sasuke. “Wanna do it together then, Sasuke?” Dark eyes widened a little bit, before meeting blue ones. Naruto was smiling that radiant smile of his…radiant was the only word Sasuke could think of to describe it. Radiant was just part of who Naruto was. Just like the forest, even after a horrible, costly battle, he still had sunshine. 

“…what are you going on about now, Dobe?” his voice was wary, and he had an elegant eyebrow arched slightly. “There’s no such thing as Co-Kages—“ he had to stop and marvel at that one. Co-kage. Hokage. That worked a little too perfectly. 

“…uh…no…” Naruto blinked. “I meant, changing the village. We can do it together, right? No one can change everything all by themselves. That’s why no one’s done it yet.” He was still wearing that stupid grin. “So, can we, Sasuke?” 

“…” the words were cheesy. And the idea was naïve. If Naruto had asked Sasuke, well, just yesterday…he would’ve called the whole idea a load of shit. But today, in the woods, sunshine all around him, Sasuke didn’t say that. “Hn. Like I’d let you screw it up by yourself.”

Naruto’s grin widened at that, and he punched Sasuke’s arm lightly. “Teme!” Sasuke pretended to look annoyed, but he almost felt what seemed like a smile, tugging at the corners of his lips. 

“Do you boys think you could include me in that plan?” Sasuke knew that voice. Soft, feminine, and…kind. He could admit that. Annoying, but the owner of that voice had always been kinder to him than he’d ever deserved. He lifted his head slightly, and turned to look at her, at the same time Naruto did. 

She was taller than he remembered. A little bit more shapely. She’d grown into herself quite well. He hadn’t had much time to actually take her in during the battle, or any of the other times…well, before the battle. She was looking at him cautiously. She didn’t smile at him anymore, like some shy, stupid little girl. Sasuke nodded shortly, acknowledging her. 

“Sakura-chan.”

~~

Sasuke’s eyes opened to the faint shrieking of an alarm, which he turned off with an offended slap. He scrunched his eyes shut at first, rubbing them, to push away the light sensitive haze. When he finally managed to sit up and look around, he found himself in his new apartment. Gah. He really needed to learn to control these dreams. They were annoying as hell. He threw back the covers as he sat up, sliding his legs over the edge and onto the floor. It was early spring, so the cool boards against his skin made him shiver. 

He could hear Kyo yawning from his post on the roof. Daisuke wouldn’t yawn, of course. He would bear the early shift in silence, like a ‘proper shinobi should’. Sasuke definitely didn’t envy their jobs. They were on duty from five in the morning, to five in the afternoon. Then the evening shift took over. Even Sasuke knew that guarding him for twelve hours was incredibly boring—if you weren’t a twelve year old girl, at least. 

“He’s up. What do you think he’ll have for breakfast?” Kyo muttered, twirling something—Sasuke guessed it was probably a Kunai—in his hand. 

“Che. It’s irrelevant.” A typical Daisuke answer, if you asked Sasuke. 

Yes, that’s right. He was watching them, as much as they were watching him…even he got bored, sometimes. 

“One hundred yen says it’ll be another omelet.” There was a pause. Sasuke padded into the kitchen, smirking a little bit at the Hyuuga’s reaction. Stumped, aren’t you, Daisuke? Unaware of the Uchiha’s amusement, the Hyuuga’s voice answered 

“He’s out of eggs—“ Sasuke frowned in dismay as he opened the fridge door. So he was. “And he probably doesn’t know how to cook anything else—“ Sasuke scowled. That was a rude assumption. He’d lived on his own for five years. He could cook, dammit.  
“—and he’s out of cereal—“ Shit. “So he’ll eat out, on the way to Isao-san’s. Or he won’t have lunch at all.” 

“…” Well then. Maybe it was just better when Daisuke was too high and mighty to talk. The Hyuuga was way too observant. It freaked Sasuke out when he chose to display that fact. 

“He could just have left overs. He still has lasagna from Sakura-chan, doesn’t he?” Oh. Right. He did. He stared at the small, plastic container, covered in tinfoil, with a pained look. 

“He isn’t going to eat that.” He really didn’t want to…

“Why not?” C’mon, Kyo, it’s so obvious...

“For one thing, anyone with taste knows to eat proper breakfast food in the morning,” okay, he wasn’t that picky “and Sasuke is compulsive with his obligations. If he finishes it, he’ll have to take the container back to her. And that girl manages to always spend the rest of the day with him whenever he goes to see her, which his behavior clearly implies is something he’s avoiding. Why else would he have not finished it yet? Sakura-chan is an excellent cook.” …shit, Daisuke, don’t ever do that again…and he was offended by that little ‘compulsive’ comment. He’d been raised to do that, thank you. 

“Well, I see you’re point about Sakura-chan. She really is great…who’d have ever thought she’d be the cutest girl from our year? I always thought it was going to be Hinata-chan…”

“Would you shut your mouth? Hinata-sama is above that sort of thing.” Yeah, sure she was, Daisuke. Sasuke closed the fridge door and headed back to his room, starting to get dressed. He started blocking their chatter out, like he usually did when he really wanted to be alone. He changed into his usual, dark, unobtrusive clothes, and combed his hair. It still wouldn’t stay down the way he wanted…and it was getting longer, too. Sakura kept on telling him to get it cut…He shrugged the thought off, moving on to brush his teeth. 

Daisuke and Ryo were still having their argument when he got back to the kitchen, so he silenced them both, grabbing an apple, and placing it in his mouth. There. Now neither one of you are right…he resisted the urge to face palm. Was this what his life had slowly been reduced to…? How far the mighty fall. 

He slips on his shoes and heads out the door, tugging on a light jacket. It’s a bit nippy outside, for a spring morning, so his t-shirt won’t work. A light grey zip up will, though. It has the hidden leaf symbol on the back. He still hasn’t worn the Uchiha symbol since he got back. He wants to say it’s a matter of clan pride, but he still doesn’t know why. 

He’s going to Isao’s office. Isao is Sasuke’s therapist, assigned by Tsunade herself, in one of her last acts as Hokage. Sasuke just finds it a painful waste on the man’s time. And horribly ironic. He’s in the best mental state that he’s had in years. Which is actually quite disturbing, considering that for anyone else, what he was experiencing would be considered heavy depression. It’s still a waste of his time sending the Uchiha there though. He never talks. He just sits there, and listens to the other man. 

He chews on his apple thoughtfully, just trying to enjoy the walk. Walks are one of his few pleasures these days. He doesn’t have to think about anything. He doesn’t have to talk to anyone. He can just stroll down the street, keep his head down, and pretend he’s just like anyone else there. Well, he wishes he was, sometimes. It doesn’t happen much. He’s proud to be an Uchiha. But…well, there’s a reason he wears that zip up hoodie. 

The walk to his office isn’t far. His apartment is actually quite close to it, in retrospect. He’s not sure whether or not that was on purpose, seeing as Tsunade assigned the place to him. 

He was living there by choice, of course. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford his own. As the sole heir to the Uchiha clan, he was the lone benefactor to the inheritance of every single adult in the clan. His own family had been well off before, but now Sasuke had more money than any other unemployed sixteen year old on the planet. Take that, karma, crime does pay. 

He goes up the three little stairs that lead from the street, to the door way, and goes in. It’s a nice little office, with plush, comfy chairs in the waiting room, and magazines on the low lying black table in front of said chairs. There’s a small little table in the corner, with the supplies one would need to make themselves a small little cup of tea. Yes, it’s a simple office, but there’s nothing overtly bright or obnoxious in it, so Sasuke likes it just fine. 

Sasuke doesn’t have to come to these things. Normally, he wouldn’t be caught dead in this office. He’d had an appointment with the man, every Thursday since the Uchiha massacre itself, and he’d never actually shown up until these last two months. And that was only because Sasuke enjoyed working. And until this man decided he was mentally stable enough to do so, he didn’t get to work. So if sitting in a chair, and playing nice for a little while was what he had to do…well, the Uchiha was capable of gritting his teeth and dealing with it. 

He was three minutes early when he got there, like usual, because the sooner he walks into the next room, the sooner he gets to leave it, and go on with whatever else he decides to fill his day with this time. Most days, the patient who comes in before Sasuke has already finished, and the wide, oak door that leads into the ‘lounge’ or whatever you call it is wide open, so Sasuke can just walk right in. 

Not today though. When he walks in, its firmly shut, leaving the Uchiha no choice but to simply sit and wait. So he does, sinking into one of the plushy chairs—which sink more than he expected them to, so he settles after a rather sharp drop, and waits. 

…

Ten more minutes go by, and Sasuke is getting irritated enough to leave. He showed up. It’s his appointment time, and while he hates the damn things, it’s just common courtesy to tell someone when a meeting’s going to run late, or when you need to reschedule. He’s already picked up one of those damn magazines—it’s obviously some sort of gossip rag, so it’s pretty much enthralling torture to read. Not that the Uchiha enjoyed it of course. He could simply acknowledge that it was somewhat like watching a traffic accident. Once you set your eyes on it, you couldn’t look away. He was just getting through reading his horoscope, his foot impatiently tapping, lightly, but still tapping, when the door swung open. 

Sasuke lifted his head, ready to give his therapist one of the coldest looks he can bestow, when--…Isao was a tall, personable man with dark hair, and blue eyes. Probably in his late twenties, or early thirties. But the eyes he sees are hazel.


	2. I'm Not Passive But Aggressive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy isn't fun, but falling in love is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? Told you it would be sooner! Hope you like it--and let me know if the OCs are tacky, I'm doing my best!

There’s a bit of an awkward silence at first, what with the kid staring at him and Sasuke just staring back. Well, his name is Raiden. Sasuke supposes he should start connecting the name and the face together at least, seeing as he’d now seen him twice. Not that it really mattered though. Raiden tipped his head up to look at him, seeing as Sasuke was around a full foot and a half taller. He was fairly sure that if they were next to each other, the top of his head would reach the top of his rib cage. 

“You’re Sasuke Uchiha, right?” Sasuke had to take a moment. He wasn’t actually expecting him to say something. He’d been so quiet the last time. Not that it was really fair of Sasuke to fault him for that. He was always quiet after all. The Uchiha held his gaze steadily, a little bit surprised that the kid doesn’t seem to have much of an opinion about him at all. He wouldn’t exactly call the look in his eyes positive, but it wasn’t exactly negative either…very neutral. 

“Yes.” Sasuke shrugs a little bit. Sure, he may not be wearing the symbol of his clan like usual, but he wasn’t going to deny who he was completely. He wasn’t that far gone anyway. “What of it?” his voice is still calm and aloof. Not that it takes much effort to keep it that way. Many people assume that his disinterested attitude is a front, but no. A lot of the time he was being honest. Sometimes he really didn’t care. 

“I just wanted to make sure. Kurenai called you Sasuke. I didn’t know which one you were.” Raiden blinked owlishly, like this was an obvious, rational answer, and Sasuke was being weird for questioning it. Sasuke just sort of quirked his head and stared at him, wondering if he was joking around or something. He was used to kids—usually genin or academy students—standing up to him or just throwing themselves in his path in an attempt to be impressive. He couldn’t tell if that was Raiden’s game or not though. The kid looked serious. 

 

“Which one?” Sasuke at least had the grace to raise an eyebrow at him. Raiden shrugs. 

“Well, everyone knows there’s a Sasuke Uchiha—but I know two other kids named Sasuke. So if my sister looks at someone and calls them Sasuke, I’m not going to assume he’s Sasuke Uchiha. I’d never seen you before.” Something about those words rubbed Sasuke the wrong way. It’s not that they’re necessarily wrong. It’s more…that they grate against his pride, really. He just assumed that everyone in the village knew him. He got enough evil looks everyday to confirm it. And every time…every time he wished that he could get one ambiguous look. He wished that he would see one person who didn’t give a shit about who he was, or what he’d done. Someone who might not even know which Sasuke he was if they didn’t know his last name. But now, when that person was standing in front of him, he…couldn’t say that he liked it very much. 

“What about you, then?” his question pretty much came out of no where, so Raiden just sort of looked up at him with this curious look on his face. 

“What do you mean, ‘what about me’?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. It wasn’t like he was particularly upset by the question—it was more that while Sasuke was unaware of it, the teen was intimidating. Every question he made seemed to be wrapped in barbed wire, somehow. Just seeing those dark, almost empty seeming eyes made him want to shift uncomfortably on the spot. Though something told him Sasuke wasn’t exactly trying to make him feel that way. 

“Which ‘Raiden’ are you?” Sasuke said with a slight eye roll, expanding on the question. He didn’t really know why it mattered at all. Keeping up a conversation like this just…wasn’t normal for him anymore. He saw people, but aside from Sakura or Naruto, he rarely put in the effort to make conversation at all. Hell, he barely put any effort in trying to get Sakura to talk to him. That was more out of avoidance and passive aggression than lack of caring, though…

“Sarutobi.” The kid’s response seemed to jerk Sasuke out of the daze he’d slipped into—focusing was so hard lately—and made him zone in on Raiden again, once more making the younger boy feel like he was engaged in a very high stakes stare down. “I’m Raiden Sarutobi.” Sasuke’s eyebrow arched a little further than it already was. Sarutobi, huh…? But he’d heard him reference Kurenai as a sister…so he’d simply assumed…then again, he’d never bothered to learn whether or not she and Asuma had been married. It’d never been his business, really. Then again, them being married wouldn’t have changed the boy’s name anyway, if he was just Kurenai’s brother, so…It occurred to him then. The hair and the eyes…they did look a lot like Ino and Shikamaru’s Sensei’s…so he was related to Asuma, then.

Raiden seemed to get a little irritated with his silence, a frown settling on his face. “Oi!” Sasuke ‘tched’ in annoyance. What a precocious kid. 

“What?” The secretary was looking back and forth between the two from behind her desk. She didn’t know what to think…Sasuke-kun had been coming to the office for two months, and Raiden, well, he’d been coming for two years now...She thought she’d known the boy well enough by now, but she’d never seen him speak out to someone like that. She wasn’t even sure whether or not this was a good thing or not…and, well, as for Sasuke-kun…She wasn’t sure what to think of the Uchiha either. He’d always been polite to her, and had never been rude to Isao-san…but he never really seemed to speak to people he didn’t know unless he had to. Having two sons around that age herself, the woman had just decided that Sasuke was probably socially awkward, and used his intimidating nature as an excuse to never come out of his shell. She shook her head slightly. Well, it was a good thing for him that he was actually speaking to someone, she supposed…

“Isao-san’s waiting for you in there, what’re you doing talking to me out here, huh?” Raiden shook his head. Making a respectable man like Isao-san wait…what a troublesome guy, this Uchiha was. The secretary bit her lip and focused on her paper work, trying to hide her amusement. It really wasn’t her place, after all…

“You’re the reason I’ve been waiting out here, baka.” Sasuke rolled his eyes a little bit. “Your appointment ran late, right? Well, I’ve been sitting out here, waiting for ten minutes. He made me wait, so he can wait for a bit as well.” Raiden opened his mouth and closed it. He didn’t seem to have a comeback for that one. Sasuke smirked, just a little bit, and continued, “Come to think of it, that makes you his accomplice, doesn’t it? That means it’s just as much your fault that I was waiting as it is Isao’s.” Raiden glared indignantly and opened his mouth to protest, but Sasuke cut him off “So that means you owe me ten minutes.” 

Raiden stared at him in shock, and the secretary, who had been doing a fine job of pretending not to be listening, almost dropped her pen. That was the last thing she had been expecting the teenager to say. Raiden seemed to take it in stride though, jutting his jaw out defiantly. “Why do I have to spend time with you? I don’t even know you.” Sasuke’s smirk was getting quite obvious now, and it was clear that the Uchiha was actually amused by the conversation. 

“I don’t want to spent time with some rude kid either. All I’m saying is you owe me.” With that, he walked past Raiden, and into the inner office, shutting the door behind him. He could hear the kid growling some sort of comeback, which made the corner of his mouth quirk down a bit. He didn’t remember anyone his age talking back to their elders like that when he was a kid—

‘It’s because Naruto doesn’t have any parents to teach him right from wrong. Kids without parents are always like that.’

\--…Sakura really did used to talk like that, huh? Well. He was pretty sure if he brought that conversation up now, she’d probably go red with shame. She’d grown out of that childish, petty way of thinking, it seemed. Not to mention that she and Naruto had formed a unique sort of relationship while he was gone. Not the romantic kind, but…they had a strong friendship. It wasn’t the same as his and Sasuke’s. Not better, not worse. Just different. 

“Sounds like you and Raiden-kun hit it off well.” He heard Isao’s voice from behind his desk, it made him look up at him before rolling his eyes in annoyance. The room is full of stacks of books, scattered all over the place. A newspaper was spread out across his desk, with certain supermarket deals circled in red marker. The window, on the opposite wall was propped open with a stick, allowing the slowly warming air to filter in with the breeze, and noises off the street filtered in easily. Isao leaned his chin on his palm. He was an attractive man. Tall, with a strong jaw and shaggy dark hair, Sasuke wasn’t surprised by the number of admirer’s the man suffered from. It wasn’t as bad as what Sasuke had to deal with, but it was a considerable amount.

“He’s an obnoxious brat.” Sasuke said with a shrug, his usual dead pan expression settling back in as he took a see on the wide, cushy brown armchair, where Sasuke usually ended up sitting. A small voice in the back of his mind pointed out that he hadn’t dared to call the boy a brat when he’d been standing right in front of him. But Sasuke had learned to ignore the voice of reason in his head for a long time, so now he barely even noticed when he did it anymore. 

The look Isao gave him told Sasuke that he didn’t buy it, but Sasuke wasn’t particularly concerned over whether he was or not. Isao tended to make their sessions very focused. They didn’t often get side tracked, and even when they did, the man somehow made every conversation they had, from the routine of his day to his deep seated resentment of his father, seem extremely relevant. It wasn’t like Sasuke was ever willing to talk about much though. Isao didn’t mind much. He knew that when he took the Uchiha on as a patient, he was getting himself in for the long haul. 

Sasuke sat down in the armchair, like usual, looking about himself lazily. “So, how has your week been?” the words made the teen frown in annoyance. 

“The same as last. Trapped in an apartment with nothing to do.” He growled. He knew this wasn’t entirely Isao’s fault. The man had to confirm that he was mentally stable before Sasuke could return to work, and Sasuke had given him little to nothing to work with so far. So the raven could at least admit that he had no idea whether or not his mental state really was stable or not. 

“You could go see your friends, Sasuke. You know they’d love to see you.” Irritation twisted in his gut. He hated it when the man told him what he knew and what he didn’t. Albeit the fact that he was almost always correct, it was annoying as hell. Not to mention that it made Sasuke feel as though he was slowly being backed into a corner. 

“They’re busy. They have jobs. They get to do something.” Sasuke muttered, drumming his fingertips on his thigh. This guy wanted emotion? Sure. He’d show him what an annoyed Uchiha was like. Isao sighed. Despite the dark haired teen’s reserved attitude, it didn’t take very long for him to know whether or not they were going to have a difficult session. 

“Sasuke, we’ve talked about this. The sooner you stop trying to make this harder for both of us, the sooner I can—“ Sasuke cut him off 

“The sooner you can what?” he knew he shouldn’t say anything, that it was better for him to just keep his piece, but the words just tumbled out “The sooner you can report every word I say back to the elders? The sooner you can figure out whether or not I’m some sort of ticking time bomb, waiting to kill everyone?” his tone was sharper than he meant for it to be. His face was harsher. He didn’t mean…well…actually, the frightening part was…he had. It just seemed to be the unspoken assumption. The elephant in the room. Sasuke was dangerous, and everyone wanted to know whether or not he really meant to help the village. Everyone suspected it, but no one had ever voiced it before. 

Isao sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, warily. “Sasuke, I couldn’t tell them, even if I wanted to.” Sasuke didn’t react. It didn’t matter what he said. He could be lying. They were always, always, lying. Every time the lie came to light, they just replaced it with another one. “There are rules. Doctor-patient confidentiality. If I told anyone what you said in this room—unless you were planning to harm yourself or someone else—I would be sent to prison.” Sasuke knew that. He read about it in books. But it could still be a lie. More lies. So many lies in those books…

“Do you expect everyone to betray you, Sasuke?” 

Ah, here we go. This is how the man always starts off. He observes Sasuke’s behavior, makes an observation, and verbalizes it in the form of a question. Often times, these observations are actually quite close to home, but Sasuke never lets this on. Even more often, he refuses to listen to the questions at all, and lets Isao go on his own verbal trend. Sasuke hears this question though. He wishes he hadn’t. Because it’s right on the mark. It’s ironic, to be sure, but he doesn’t just expect it, he’s terrified of it. Isao studies him for a moment, before tapping the end of his pen on the notepad he keeps on his desk. It’s a very slow, very light, tap, tap, tap…Sasuke hates that notebook. He wants to grab it, and rip it to shreds with his hands. Because his life cannot and will not ever be something one can put to paper. This guy. Acting like he could put something into words, something even Sasuke couldn’t understand…It made the coil of anger in his chest tighten up like a snake, rearing to strike. 

“Do you know where we normally place shinobi criminals we consider psychotic?” Sasuke stiffens, his eyes snapping directly onto the calm, blue eyes of his therapist. He resents how calm the man is. How in control he always seems. Sasuke always feels like his emotions are in a snowball effect. Getting wilder and wilder, spinning out of control, and there isn’t anything he can do about it. It’s like trying to fight against gravity. Seeing someone as naturally calm and tranquil as Isao…it frustrated him…and he was jealous of it. But the man had also used the words criminal and psychotic. They had been avoiding those words for months now. Because they were an ugly truth. Well. Criminal at least. Sasuke had a problem with the word ‘psychotic’ being used to describe him. Isao seems to notice his anger, but he takes it in stride, and continues on. 

“We give them to the Yamanakas.” Sasuke didn’t know quite what to make of that statement. Yamanaka…? That Ino girl, right? With the flowers, and the long, blonde hair…Well. That sounded like horrific torture in itself, but Sasuke couldn’t understand how it was worse than this. “The Yamanaka family specializes in genjutsu, typically the ‘mind transfer’ jutsu. But they have others.” His eyes darken a bit, and his expression becomes very serious. More serious than Sasuke has ever seen it. “They specialize in breaking the human psyche. If the human mind was a five tumbler safe, then they would be the burglars with the stethoscope and the crowbar. In Konoha, prisoners who are suspected of crimes against the village don’t have rights. The Yamanakas destroy what’s left of their minds, and take what they need with them.” Sasuke isn’t surprised about the information. It makes sense. The village was often times ruthless. He’d just never expected…the girl with the flowers and the blonde hair…her family, huh. Not that it mattered. The Uchiha specialized in genjutsu as well. He could protect his mind from them. Isao seemed to once again read his mind somehow, damn him, and shook his head. 

“Your sharingan wouldn’t keep you safe. Sure, if you could activate it, it would protect you.” The older man’s eyes flashed, in a way that gave Sasuke goose bumps on his arms. “But fifteen years ago, when an Uchiha ninja went rogue, your father helped them get around the sharingan when he was captured.” 

“…” Now the man had Sasuke’s undivided attention. His dark eyes were pinned on that calm, older face. 

“They would place a chakra-restraining blindfold around your eyes, and chakra suppressing manacles on your wrists and ankles. You would be so weak that you wouldn’t be able to fight off a child. This is why enemy ninja kill themselves before Konoha can capture them. Because in the end, if we want to know something, we find out.” Sasuke is silent still. He tries to picture how it would feel. The manacles. The blindfold. It makes him want to shudder. The way Isao described it made it feel….well, it made it feel too close to him for him. 

“But you aren’t being forced to divulge anything, Sasuke. We’re just talking—“ he smiled wryly “Well, I’m just talking. I don’t do this job for the village. I do it for people like you and Raiden.” Hearing that name jerks a small reaction out of Sasuke. Right. Him. He was a patient here. Why, though? He seemed like a normal enough kid…then again, Sasuke really wasn’t the best judge of that, he supposed. “All of this, it’s for your benefit. And if you start benefitting from this, well…I’ll sign the paper work I need to in order to get you back to work.” 

“…” Okay, he’ll bite. This about getting what he wants, now, anyway. “What do I have to do to prove that I’m benefitting?”

Isao looks up at him from his notepad—damn that notepad—and bites the end of his pen, thinking. “Well. I’d suggest you build a relationship.” Sasuke stares at him, his face openly surprised. He opens his mouth to argue, but Isao lifts a hand to stop him. “No, Sasuke. Not romantically. Just socially in general. You’re retreating into the relationships you have, and you ostracize yourself from everyone else. I think we both know you were never a social butterfly, but this behavior is only going to make it harder for you in the future.” 

Sasuke stares at him, a deadpan expression fixing itself on his face. “So…what you’re saying is…I have to make a new friend…” Isao smiles a bit, opening his date book, like he always does at the end of their sessions, to schedule their next one. 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Sasuke-kun.”

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Sakura stared at her clipboard in her hands, drumming her fingernails on the table top below her. Work was so tedious these days. Lady Tsunade had left, just a month before. She’d said she wanted her own chance to travel, and see all of the things that Jiraya had. No one argued. Not even Sakura. Everyone agreed that she deserved her own time to make peace with everything that had happened in the last few months. And it wasn’t that Sakura wanted to be selfish, but…she…well…she just wished the woman could’ve stayed, just a while longer. She felt so lost, and confused, and…the only person she felt like she could talk to was no longer there.

First on the list of the girl’s confusing life was Naruto. She’d taken his attention for granted. She’d been so used to him always watching her, that, well…She’d just assumed that he always would. It wasn’t right, and she knew it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to expect someone you’d been so…so mean to, to keep hoping you’ll like them back, but, well…she had. And the ironic part was, she’d never really cared whether or not Naruto felt that way about her. Not really. Not until very recently. Because, well…

…Sasuke coming home hadn’t been the miracle she’d expected. Which was a horrible thing to think, she knew. And she felt like such an idiot for expecting something different. 

‘My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I hate a lot of things. And I don’t particularly like anything.’ 

What should she have been expecting, from the sad boy who’d said those words? She didn’t know anymore. She just…there had been little, small things, that had given her hope, in the past, that he’d wanted to be with her. The way he’d stopped attacking those sound ninja, in the forest of death, after she’d held him…and…the way, that night, when he told her thank you. It…just felt like she had meant something to him. She hadn’t expected his undying love and affection, but…she’d at least expected that they would be friends, and that if she worked hard enough, she could be more to him. Even after what had happened, when she had tried to…She swallowed hard, her grip on the pen in her hand tight enough to make it shake. She had been ready to kill him, then herself. She had almost thrown everything away for him. And…she thought he would at least give her a chance. 

But that wasn’t what had happened. It wasn’t even close. The Sasuke she knew now, well…he was colder than the Sasuke who’d left her on that park bench three years ago. He spoke to her more than he had before. He wasn’t overtly rude, or crude, but... somehow, while letting her closer than he had before he’d left, Sasuke was also keeping her at a very firm distance. She’d tried everything. She’d tried being patient, understanding, and now, well, now she was trying giving the Uchiha space. She just didn’t know what else to do anymore. Because the one thing she’d managed to figure out through all of her awkward attempts to get closer to the man was that he wasn’t romantically interested in her at all. Not even remotely. 

And this wouldn’t have been such a blow to the pinkette’s ego if it hadn’t been for Naruto. God, Naruto. Since they’d gotten back, he’d been pestering Sakura, but not about anything she wanted to hear. She was feeling low. She actually wanted him to ask her out on some stupid date or something. She would’ve even paid for her own ramen, and let him call it a date, but…because karma turned out to be a cruel bitch, he didn’t want a date. No. He wanted advice. On Hinata. Yes, this was when Sakura started kissing her pride good bye. She half expected Rock Lee to show up, and tell her that he’d fallen head over heels for Gaara, and needed advice on how to win the redhead’s heart. That would’ve just been the last straw. 

Which left her conflicted. She loved Sasuke. She always had. So why did she care about Naruto starting to like Hinata? It was good for both of them. Hinata was so nice. And Naruto, well, he deserved to be happy. Hinata really could do that for him. The Hyuga heiress had changed over the years…for the better. Sakura knew her. She was friends with her. She liked her. So why was she so pissed at Naruto for changing his interests? 

“Sakura-chan!” she looked up, meeting eyes with one of the other medical ninjas. She net down her clipboard and pulled her hair up. She knew the tone of voice the man was using, well enough to know when there was an emergency. 

“What is it, Yohei-kun?” she asked firmly, assuming her ‘in control’ persona. It made it easier for everyone not to panic when she did that…

“An envoy from the sand was attacked! Lord Kankuro and Lady Temari are seriously injured!” Sakura’s eyes widened in shock before her face settled into grim determination. She pushed up her sleeves. Now wasn’t the time to be worrying over her love life like some silly little girl.

“Send them to the third medical ward! One medical team each! I want an IV drip set up for both of them by the time I get there!” She said firmly, clenching her teeth and pushing the hurt down, back inside. 

Maybe Naruto and Sasuke were moving on without her, but…she was good for this much, at least. 

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Naruto ran his hands through his hair for what was probably the millionth time in an hour. She was getting home today, right? That was what the missions roster had said…God, he couldn’t believe he’d snuck into Iruka’s office, just to find out about that…He swallowed hard. This was crazy. Why was he being so nervous? He knew she liked him back…well, she still felt that way, right? God, why was this so hard? Telling Sakura-chan he liked her was always so easy. And Hinata-chan was always so much nicer to him than Sakura, and here he was, trying so hard not to puke his guts out…Sasuke would probably laugh at him, if he could see him now. 

Sasuke was actually the reason he’d started thinking about Hinata in the first place. After Pein blew up the village, and Hinata…well, shit, she died for him, his feelings had started being a jumbled mess that he didn’t know how to make sense of. He just couldn’t get it out of his head. Her face, streaked with blood, smiling at him, and saying…

…Saying she loved him. What had he ever done to deserve that? He was just…No girl had ever, ever looked at him like that. Sure, after he’d become sort of famous from saving the village, girls had been confessing to him everyday. It had been weird at first, but he was used to it now. But they had only seen him, acknowledged him, when he’d made something out of himself. And Hinata…looked at him like that before anyone else, before he even had it in him to believe in himself. And the way he’d felt, when Pein killed her…He’d never felt that way before. There was this anger…a protective rage, hatred…and an incredible sense of loss that he didn’t know how to live with. 

Then in the battle, after…after Neji. She dragged him back up. When no one else could. When he thought he had truly lost, she brought him back, even when she was in so much pain herself…Really, he was no better than Sakura-chan, huh? He kept on hurting the woman who loved him. He hadn’t had a chance to really speak to her, since the last battle. He had wanted to wait. To make sure he would do it right…and now, well, she was going to be here. Any second. 

After the battle, Sasuke had looked at him, with this odd sort of piercing stare he’d developed, and asked him what was going on with him and Hinata. And Naruto…well, he hadn’t been able to answer, because he had no idea. But now, after talking to Sasuke and Sakura for hours on end, he was fairly sure that he did…and anyway, even if she didn’t return his feelings…well, she’d been brave enough to confess to him. At the very least, he could do the same. 

The sounds of the gates creaking open made his head jerk up, eyes searching. It had been a simple survey mission, just tracking the progress of reconstruction across the country. But it had kept her away for a month. Which was long enough to make Naruto very antsy. He’d wanted to talk to her the moment he’d figured everything out, but he’d still had to wait two more weeks…First he saw Shino, hunched slightly, with his hood covering most of his face, then Kiba, who as usual, was riding on top of Akamaru. He was obviously making some stupid joke, he threw his head back and laughed loudly when he got to the punch line. And then…there was Hinata. She was walking with them quietly, smiling softly at Kiba, and laughing a bit behind her hand. God, she was…Her eyes seemed to land on Naruto, and she paused, her smile freezing in place.

Naruto’s stomach coiled up. Did she want to see him? Was she mad at him? Maybe he should just leave…Then again. If he were someone else, he probably would’ve. But he was Naruto Uzumaki, and that just wasn’t his thing. “Hinata-chan!” he ran up to her. 

Hinata’s eyes widened slightly. What was he doing? Maybe he was here to say hello? After all, she had been gone for a little while, and despite the deeper relationship that she wanted, she and Naruto had become good friends, or so she thought. None of this made sense…what could the blonde possibly be thinking—And then she felt his arms wrap around her, and she froze. She was pulled into what felt like a bear hug. It was sudden, but she found that…she really liked the feeling. She could feel him rest his face against her hair, and resisted the urge to sigh. Kiba looked like he was about to choke on his own spit, and Shino just chose to lie in wait. Then she heard Naruto say something, something she would never forget.

“I just wanted to tell you…I like people like you too.” She felt her eyes sting with tears, and there was a small pause. She could feel Naruto start to shift with uncertainty, but before he could pull away to look at her face, she threw her arms around him, hugging him back with all she had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Fall to Your Knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is he kidding, really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nightmare *thunder crashes* then plot twist *audience gasps*

_There were soft hands in his hair. They were bigger than his mother’s hands. Hers were small and delicate against his skin—they made him feel loved. These hands were different. They were still soft and warm, but they were stronger. They made him feel safe. He was stretched out on the back porch of their home, his head resting against the top of his brother’s legs. He was staring across the lawn, taking in the flowers his mother had planted. She had a garden, in the back corner of the yard. She’d started it by planting a tree when Itachi was born, adding a plant around it for each birthday. When Sasuke was born, she did the same thing. Itachi’s tree was a willow, like their mother’s had been when she was a little girl. Willows were her favorite, and she and his father had never planned on having more children after him. Sasuke was what she called the ‘best kind of surprise’. For him, she planted—well, forced his father to plant—a yew tree. It had grown to be almost as tall as Itachi’s and it was better for climbing anyway, so Sasuke didn’t really mind that his was different._

_“Something bothering you, Sasuke?” His brother’s voice is so gentle. Listening makes his chest hurt, though he isn’t sure why. He looks up at his brother to see Itachi looking right back down at him. He smiles happily. His big brother always asks when something’s bothering him. His father just ignores it, and his mother doesn’t know what to say to him so she often just stands there silently. He loves his mother, but sometimes she’s far too silent. Itachi isn’t. He always says and notices just enough._

_“…Why did Dad leave the entrance ceremony early?” His brother frowns a bit. Sasuke would know, even if he wasn’t staring. He feels Itachi’s expressions more than he sees them. He doesn’t try to say he isn’t upset. It would never work, and he doesn’t like having to make Itachi pull an answer out of him. He’s much happier to just tell his brother what he’s thinking._

_The older Uchiha moved one of his hands from Sasuke’s hair, using it to push his own bangs away from his eyes. He’s thinking, Sasuke knows. Sasuke always knows when Itachi’s thinking. “He…he’s chief of police, Otouto. Sometimes things come up that he can’t put off, even for a few minutes.” Sasuke doesn’t mean to look sulky, but he knows that his face is heading in that direction. He knows it isn’t fair to blame his father._

_…But he also knows that his father wouldn’t have missed Itachi’s ceremony for the world. But for all the things he knows, he’s too young to understand why. His brother sees the hurt, and sadness on his face an moves to brush his hand against the younger’s cheek. It makes Sasuke feel better, even though he has no satisfactory answer to how he’s feeling. “Then why did you stay?” he closes his eyes, and feels the hand pause against his skin. He’s thrown him off balance now. Itachi doesn’t know what to say at first. He doesn’t know how to clarify his actions. “If it was important, wouldn’t they need you too? You’re gonna be in Anbu soon…” His big brother thinks of an answer, and Sasuke waits, closing his eyes._

_“…Because before I’m an Anbu officer, I’m your big brother. Before anything, I’m your Aniki.” Sasuke isn’t surprised by that answer either. He’s happy with it, but he also knows what his brother is admitting to him. Fugaku Uchiha was Chief of Police first and father second. It wasn’t something Sasuke wanted to understand. He never wanted to understand why jobs and reputations came first, and the people who loved you became second. But he knows. He knows he’ll always understand his big brother._

_He turns his face into Itachi’s leg, enjoying the warmth of the sun, and the comfort of his hands. “Always?” he mumbles, waiting for the reassurance he knows his brother will give him—it’s his memory, after all._

_“No.” He hears a voice other than his brother speaking now. It’s his own voice, from when he was small. When he opens his eyes again, the porch, the garden, his brother, they’re all gone. He’s laying on the ground. There’s rubble everywhere. He’s tired, and cold. He can taste the blood in his mouth, from where it’s running down his face. All he can feel is the rain hitting his body. Nothing else registers. There is nothing inside him. He can’t even feel his own heart beating._

_But he does sense one thing—the rapidly fading warmth beside him. He knows what it is, who it was. He knows this place. It’s the empty chasm, with a broken symbol and a broken clan. He doesn’t want to open his eyes yet. He’s too afraid._

_“We sure did show him, didn’t we, Sasuke?” The childish voice echoes through the cave, and it echoes even deeper inside. Sasuke curls in on himself, shaking his head. He can’t look. He flinches when he hears the laughter bouncing off of every surface it lands on. It’s his laughter. “Who’s strong how, NII-SAN?” the voice takes a bitter, growling tone at the end. “Get UP Aniki!” His eyes snap open._

_He sees his younger self, crouched over…a…a body. He’s running his hand through what seems to be long dark hair. It’s so soft and flowing that it just pools in his fingers before slipping away, like ink flowing out of a bottle. Except for the young Sasuke doesn’t allow that to happen. He clenches his fist, catching the hair in a cruel, vicious grip. His face is angry. Older Sasuke knows that. But he also knows everything that’s hidden inside of that anger._

_The guilt for being too weak, the ache of the loss, the envy of the object of his father’s pride, the hate, not of Itachi, but of_ **himself**. _He_ **hated** _himself. And it took him too long to understand that. Maybe if the little boy, sitting alone in a cavern, had taken the help offered to him…things would have been different. Or maybe if he had just forgotten the words his brother gave him that night when everything was taken from him, things could have been different. Maybe then he would’ve gotten to feel his big brother’s kindness, one more time…_

_“His_ **kindness**?” _The bitterness in his own voice cuts him to the bone. The younger Sasuke, the one he hates, snaps his head up and meets his gaze. All Sasuke sees in his face is anger. “This is his kindness, you fool.” His face twists into a morbid grin as he uses his grip on the corpse’s hair to drag his face into view._

_Sasuke’s stomach twists and convulses. He feels the bile crawling up his throat. “Stop…” he croaks, but he has no mercy. He has to watch the blood seeping out of his mouth. He has to see how weak and thin his body was. How did he not notice? He was too angry to care. He was too angry to think. And now he can never take it back._

_“He_ **left** _us! He was always leaving us!” he shakes him for emphasis. Sasuke struggles to get up, to stop him, but he can’t. He’s too tired. So tired…So he just reaches in for his voice, slamming his fist in the ground. “He_ **stole** _from us! Mom! Dad! They were_ **mine**!” _He lets the weak, empty frame that was once his brother fall to the ground. His head bounces slightly when it hits the rock, then remains still. Sasuke sees his own fists clench as his younger self glares down at the body._

_“Stop it!” he grits his teeth. Why did he have to go? Why was Sasuke so stupid? Why couldn’t he take it back?! Why couldn’t things be the way they were before? It wasn’t fair! His throat burns, and his eyes sting._

_“EVERYONE LEAVES US!” He’s shrieking now. His body was so small, but his voice fills the empty space until Sasuke feels like it’s crushing him. Mother. Father. Itachi. His aunts. His uncles. His grandparents. Naruto. They all leave him. Why would they stay? He isn’t worth shit. He couldn’t protect anyone. All he can do is break things. Who wants someone like that? Who would want to be near him?_

_“BE QUIET!” Sasuke screams back, screams until his throat is raw. He hates him. He hates him, hates him,_ hates him. _He makes all of the wrong choices, ruins his life, all for things that don’t really matter to him at all. Doesn’t anyone get it? Doesn’t anyone understand what he wants?_

_“NO ONE WANTS US!” He can’t take it any more. He’s shaking so bad, he can feel himself ripping apart. He wants his brother back. He wants that small, motionless body to get up. because everyone else is pushing Sasuke back down. He’s all alone. No one will help him. No one cares enough._

_“LEAVE ME ALONE!” He clutches his head, his fingers tugging at his own dark hair, trying to will it all away. It’s his dream. He should have some semblance of control, but no matter what he does, he’s stuck here. Sasuke can’t control himself at all. Not even in his dreams. He’s snowballing again, he can feel it. The noise, the sensation, even his own heart beat, it’s all swelling in his mind until he feels like he’s spiraling out of control. He just wants to gain his footing again, to find stable ground._

_“WE RUIN_ **EVERYTHING**!” _He had his brother all along, and he took him out of this world. The last person who cared about him, the last person who really knew him, the last person who would ever really give a shit, and Sasuke killed him. He broke his team. Tore their trust to shreds. And he’s hurt or killed anyone who ever really took the time to believe in him._

**_“_ I HATE YOU!” **

 

* * *

 

 

And that was when Sasuke sat straight up in bed that morning, breathing heavily. He was already sweating a little bit, and his heart was pounding. It was the typical way that most people felt when waking up from a nightmare, if you think about it. He glanced about the room, chest rising and falling raggedly, but saw the same thing he sees just about every morning. Bare, white walls, a desk, made of dark wood, with nothing on it. A chair, with a jacket draped over the back. It’s just his room, with nothing to fill it.

One of his hands moves up to run through his hair and he exhales slowly. He can play it normal in the appointments with Isao but he has his moments, usually when he’s home alone, where he has to wonder who he’s kidding. You bet your ass he has a problem, and he’s too stubborn to accept anyone’s help. Talk about unhealthy. Sasuke would most definitely sit there and stew about it for hours if allowed, but he isn’t. Daisuke and Kyo would worry too much. So he hauls his sorry ass out of bed, cursing their names as he does it. 

It’s funny that he creates imaginary concern for him from other people.

Or maybe it isn’t funny at all.

* * *

 

**(Three Days Earlier)**

 

Gaara shifted through paperwork tiredly at his desk. One might think that the end of one war might give him a slight break, but it just begins another one all together—a war of filing. It’s all well and good that the fighting is over and the countries have the chance to rebuild, but no one ever thinks about all of the signatures that requires. 

Land permits. Death certificates. Demolition notices. Sentencing forms. Immigration papers. Promotions. Demotions. Hirings. Firings. Sexual harassment suits. Property damage suits. As Kazekage, he has to sign all of these things. And the worst part is that it really does sound more pleasant than it actually is. He finds a dull sort of peace, in it though. He can just let his hand work away on the papers in front of him, while his mind is everywhere but his office. Sometimes he’ll look out the window, and watch young genin and chunin leave the village on assignment. It makes him feel a lot less powerful and a lot more trapped. Sometimes he wonders if things could’ve been different. Sometimes he wonders if he could ever be like those kids, plenty of whom are almost his age, and just go on regular missions. With his friends.

But that doesn’t matter. Even if they are the same age, Gaara might as well be a thousand years away from them. He sighs and goes back to the papers on his desk, fingers wandering through the stacks, trying to find a proper place to start in that particular sitting, when he hears the door open with a soft creak.

“Temari?” He asks in surprise after looking up. He doesn’t see his sister much these days. She’s constantly busy, now that the war is over and done with. She spends most of her time in Konoha, and sometimes it leads Gaara to believe that she isn’t busy with her work life so much as her personal life. He knows how much the Naara boy means to her, even if she likes to brush it off. Gaara notices more than people would think.

“Kazekage-sama.” Her trademark smirk is in place, even now. She knows that it bothers her brother, just a little, when she calls him by his title. But Gaara chooses to ignore her teasing, for now, sitting up in his chair.

“We’ve had an…interesting arrival in our medical unit. Tachibana-sensei says he’s from Konoha.” That manages to catch the younger boy’s attention. He leans forward, looking at her curiously. The action makes a few strands of red hair fall in front of green eyes.

“Konoha? Has someone sent a message to the Hokage’s office? I didn’t think any Konoha shinobi were running missions near the border.” He says softly, wracking his mind for options on what could’ve possibly happened.

“He wasn’t running a mission.” Temari shrugged, crossing the room and leaning against his desk “The desert patrol found him unconscious. Apparently he’s suffering from extreme dehydration. Scars on his body suggest that he’s recovering from some pretty serious injuries. It seems like someone healed his body just enough that he would be able to stay alive.” Gaara listened quietly, raising an eyebrow.

“Do we have an ID on him? Is he conscious?” Temari looked away for a moment, biting her lip. That concerned Gaara more than anything else. His sister was a lot of things, but she never really looked…nervous.

“He hasn’t woken up, but we have an ID on him.” She said softly, hands tightening where they were resting against the edge of the desk.

“…How do you know for sure?” Gaara asked slowly, reaching forward and touching his sister’s arm softly. She jumped a little in surprise. Acts of physical concern from Gaara were rare.

“…We were in the Chuunin exams together. He’s in our year.” That got Gaara’s attention. His immediate thought went to Lee. He’s brow creased with concern for his odd, if not endearing friend.

“Why are you acting like this Temari? You look like you’re going to be sick.” He said softly. It was true. The blonde was sheet white.

“…Because they buried him months ago, sir.” With that, a tone of seriousness filled the room, as they could no longer continue on like this was a normal conversation. 

“… _What?_ There must’ve been a mistake.” The shock in his tone was palpable.

“There was no mistake, Gaara. Naruto ID’d the body they buried himself. Neji Hyuuga died in the battle with Obito. But he’s in the medical unit right now.” 

“…” The shock that followed was thick as Temari watched her brother, eyes tense. She never could read the younger. “…We’ll have to take him home then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, surprise it's a SasuNeji story--thanks for sticking around this long! My ship is small so I get that there won't be much traffic, this is just for fun. I would love feedback, but please be nice! See you all next time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking around until the end! I'm going to try to update once a week, every Monday (though the next chapter is already done so maybe sooner). I hope you like it! Sorry for the typos or any grammatical mistakes, I don't have a beta reader so things can slip through the cracks. Have a great week!


End file.
